If your ex girlfriend won’t talk to you, what you need to do is take a step back and think about the ways you might be turning her off.

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In most cases, when a guy says, “My ex girlfriend won’t talk to me,” I can usually guess what he’s been doing wrong.

For example: Here are three classic mistakes that lead to an ex girlfriend not wanting to talk to her former boyfriend…

Mistake 1: Sending way too many emotional texts or messages

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When a break up happens, it’s normal for a woman to want to put some distance between herself and her ex boyfriend.

She wants to try to get him off her mind and calm her feelings so she can think straight and work out whether or not she wants to be with him at all. She will try her best to avoid calling him, texting him or seeing him in person as much as possible.

For her, having that space helps her begin to move on with her life, go out to party with friends and maybe even flirt with some new guys to make herself feel better.

Yet, for the guy who has been dumped, not being able to be in contact with his ex girlfriend feels horrible. He worries about her kissing, having sex with and falling in love with another guy. He wants to stay on her mind, not out of her mind, so he texts and messages her as often as he can. Yet, the more he texts and messages her, the more she begins to ignore him.

When that happens, his messages often become more desperate…

“Why won’t you talk to me?”“Why are you doing this? Don’t you remember the good times? I said that I would change. Just give me a chance to talk to you.”“Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”“Are you getting my messages?”“I said I’m sorry. Please don’t ignore me…”“I can’t live without you.”“I don’t know what I’m going to do if you are not in my life. I don’t want to live anymore. Please answer the phone and talk to me!”

Unfortunately, those types of messages simply push an ex girlfriend away even further. Why? Women are attracted to the emotional strength of men and turned off by the weakness.

Emotional text messages never make an ex girlfriend feel more attraction and respect for a guy. Instead, they just make her feel like her ex-boyfriend needs her for his emotional security and stability, which is something that women are instinctively turned off by.

Another reason why sending emotional text messages to an ex-girlfriend is a problem is that she has to GUESS at what emotional state he is when he sends the message.

She can’t see his body language, listen to his tone of voice and assess his overall attitude and vibe via text, so she has to guess how he would be thinking, behaving and acting if he said something like that to her in person.

During a break up, a woman will almost always assume that her ex-boyfriend is being insecure, desperate and needy, rather than guessing that he is feeling confident and emotionally secure at the time of sending the message.

If you want to get your ex girlfriend to talk to you again, the only text message that you should be sending her is one that arranges to get her talking to you on the phone.

When she’s talking to you on the phone, she can hear your confident, emotionally secure tone of voice and ask questions if she doesn’t understand what you mean.

If you want to go from saying, “My ex girlfriend won’t talk to me” to “I’m meeting up with my girlfriend tomorrow,” then don’t waste time sending messages that are only going to make her even more irritated with you. Get her on the PHONE and arrange a meet up where you can regain her respect and attraction for you by showing her that you’ve changed.

Mistake 2: Not understanding the real reason why she broke up with him

Your girlfriend would have given you some reasons why she broke up with you, but a woman will rarely tell you the real reasons.

After providing a guy with some subtle reasons, a woman is more likely to say something like, “I need some space,” “I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” or “I just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.”

She approaches it that way because she doesn’t want to have to deal with how a guy would react if she said something like, “You’re just not enough of a man for me” or “You behave like a woman at times” or “You don’t make me feel girly, sexy and turned on. I feel like more of a friend to you because you’re so neutral around me.”

She also doesn’t want to teach her boyfriend how to be the man she needs. Instead, she wants him to know what to do, because unless he figures out what went wrong by himself, he will just carry on making the same mistakes over and over again and she’ll have to be his teacher (or “mother figure”) for life.

A guy can make all kinds of promises to his ex, but unless he can work out how to make her feel the way that she really wants to feel when in a relationship, she won’t be interested in anything he has to say.

In her mind, he just won’t understand what she really needs and she won’t want to have to teach him. If he can’t work it out on his own, most women would rather cut their losses and try to find another man who understands.

Feeling confused and not knowing what else to do, some guys contact their ex girlfriend and say things like, “Please tell me what I did wrong and I promise that I change” or “I will do anything you want me to. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

In the guy’s mind, he is just trying to do the right thing. He loves his ex-girlfriend and is willing to do whatever it takes, but she simply isn’t willing to teach him. He will wonder why his ex girlfriend suddenly stops wanting to talk to him and just won’t make any sense.

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So, before you do anything else, it’s important to understand why she broke up with you so that you can fix those things before you contact her.