You may have actually seen this meme prior to (if you haven’t, it’s posted below) however there’s an actual story behind it. For this Independence Week twofer, uncover out the background listed below.

You are watching: America we will kill you in your sleep on christmas


The original.

So what’s so one-of-a-kind around the night of December 25-26th 1776? It was Christmas, and also tbelow were some assholes that we essential dead in the tvery own of Trenton, New Jersey. 

As you need to understand from background class, or the exceptionally least by analysis our articles this week, the Amerihave the right to radvancement was an all-or-nopoint battle to win independence from the British empire. We were sick of their shit, their destructive breakfast choices and subpar dentisattempt, and also finally decided it was time we start our very own country. George Washington was the supreme commander of all continental forces, or ssuggest the HMFIC of our future. The battle was not going in our favor, and also it was still cshed to the start. If the colonists hadn’t began winning some battles, you’d be drinking earl grey tea as you check out this instead of coffee. So what was going on in the mid-eastern shore AO that cold Christmas? Well, below it is, as told by us. The Mad Duo. 

The punk-ass redcoats didn’t have enough resources to fight, so they hired out some Gerguy mercenaries, called the Hessians. These kraut bastards were kind of choose the 18th-century variation of Blackwater, just they were owned by the German state of Hesse. Anyway, the Hessians comprised about a quarter of foe forces we dealt with in the time of the battle, and they had actually some negative mamma-jammas in their ranks. They were pretty quick to pop their deserters and were recognized for being skilled in countless forms of combat. A detachment of around 1,500 Hessians had actually holed up for the holiday in and roughly Trenton and also was intended to drop their guard for the birth of baby Jesus. Assuming we were as well “civil” to assault on the holiday, they went into chill mode. Bad weather kept them from posting much of a fire watch, and also their CO was a self-serving dick. Their commander, Colonel Johann Rall, was sassist to prevent hard work-related and had actually little worry for his troops’ comfort. As such, the Hessians were all choose “Fuck that douche, let’s drink some lager and also perhaps run a train on a few of these colonial bitches.” So they settled in and prayed to Krampus or whatever before, KNOWING tbelow was no means we would certainly assault. Wrong aobtain motherfuckers! 


The original setup called for Zodiac attack craft.

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Christmas came, and the troops all sat roughly smoking cigarettes on their gear as they waited to move closer to the Delaware River. They hoped for Hot-Wets to chase the cold amethod however were informed that cexactly how was a crutch, also on Christmas. The night of the rassist was equally jacked up. We are talking footsphere bat, soup sandwich, goat-rope levels below. Tbelow was delay after delay, and it forced the arrangement off schedule. Because the early american pipe hitters all had actually three days worth of cjust how, and plenty of ammo for the mission, supply had to weigh them and also their gear for the watercraft manifest. This took a number of hrs bereason no one can discover any kind of of the supply males or the quartergrasp. When they ultimately confirmed up, they declared to have been taking inventory at a neighborhood barn, but everyone knew they were entirely resting in the stables.

Finally, they moved to the river. The ammo tech asked GW if need required any more balls or gunpowder, and he replied by grabbing his crotch and also proclaiming “All I need are these 2, son!” All of his troops let out a nervous pre-combat laugh. No shit and you have the right to look this up for actual, the obstacle and also password for the attack were “Success or Death”! How badass is that?

Assembled at the river’s edge, GW was acquiring impatient and also asked why his soldiers had actually not loaded up on the Zodiacs yet. A nervous officer told him that supply had accidentally left the boats in CONEX cans, back at the FOB. “Fuck my life,” he whispered in response, to no one in certain. They offered Durham boats rather, while the equines and also artillery went across on large ferries the troops had ganked. The expedition would prove to be difficult in the darkness of the night, as supply had run out of candles for everyone’s lanterns. The Staff NCOs yelled at the troops for making use of their candles to walk approximately camp at night, and for wasting them to create letters house. Everyone was pissed and just wanted to go kill some Hessians. 


GW through beforehand revolving machine-musket.


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JP on July 2, 2015 at 8:07 am

“We’re gonna go America everywhere their asses!”

Charlie Goes America All Over Their Asses


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